Carnage on the river

Once again, another bus journey, this time to Vang Vieng, the adventure capital of Laos, was a nightmare. A couple were vomiting for about 5 hours non-stop. We were supposed to stop for dinner at 9pm, but did not do so until around midnight. We were supposed to arrive at 11pm, but instead arrived after 1am. But hey, this is Laos. Obviously we arrived with no place to stay. Miriam had heard of a really good guesthouse on the river, so we headed for it. However, it took an hour to find it ... in a town that cannot be more than two square kilometres!



The next morning, Miriam, Hinesh and I rented bikes to head along the dirt roads and visit some of the caves. The surroundings were amazing: rice paddy fields, wonderful karst limestone peaks, all under clear blue skies.



Poukham Cave was really cool, although very dark inside (the headlight we rented was crap) and very slippery. It also had a natural pool outside where we could go for a dip and swing into the pool from random ropes.

It was now time for the main event – tubing on the Mekong River.



It basically involves floating downstream, while sitting in a doughnut-shaped inflatable, and getting off every now and then to visit any one of nine bars they have along the route. Oh, and the bars also had swings and zipwires where you could jump into the water from anywhere up to 30 metres above the water – nice. Bar Four had a little something extra too.

I was skeptical at first, particularly given people have died doing this, but there were guys coming out with us who had been the previous day, who survived the adventure, with only cuts and bruises. I went twice, and here are the best moments.



Bar 1. The atmosphere was great, everyone sitting around relaxing and drinking, with an energetic few playing volleyball. Despite my fear of heights, I thought I'd better 'swing off' now, otherwise I will struggle later down the river. The experience was terrifying. The walk up to the swing is on bits of wood nailed together in a random and very dangerous way. Lucky I went when I did, as the guy who went immediately after me belly-flopped into the water. As he floated downstream with everyone 'oohing' at the pain he must be in, two locals realised he wasn't raising his head out of the water. Apparently, he landed on his lungs and was unconscious for a few minutes. He was ok after a few minutes though. After a few hours at Bar 1, we had to move on. It was time to experiment with my acrobats.



Bar 4. After spending a little while at Bar Two and Three, we headed to Bar Four. This place is ridiculous! What a complete mess. There was a volleyball net, but instead of sand, there was a mud bath. It was brilliant fun. Everytime I got out and sprayed the mud off with 'clean' water, I either ended up throwing someone else in and myself while I was at it, or being flung into it again by any one of many randoms.

After a few trips to the mud bath, it was zipwire time. On day one, I had held onto the zipwire with my back facing forward - ended up being very painful - ribs still aching 3 days later. So on day two I decided to look forward as I jumped in, but with a mate on the swing too. I'm not sure why I decided to lift my leg up onto the bar, but as a result, I landed badly again. Only cuts to my feet and legs this time.

The bucket drinks were being finished at a very quick pace. By this point on day one, Hinesh had already lost a pair of slippers and a t-shirt. We had our camera on day two, but not for long. Water had somehow got into our bry bag and that was the end of Hinesh's camera and my BlackBerry. We only left this bar around 5pm, although we were advised to leave the last bar (No.9), by this time.



By now, there were around ten of us travelling down the river together. We stupidly, unanimously decided to go onto bar five rather than to the end. Nothing untoward happened here, just more swings, higher ones, and more messy behaviour, including noughts and crosses on someone's back.



It was now dark and we were yet to get back. There were not enough tubes for those that remained on the water, so we had to share. I first shared with Chrissie, and then with Hinesh. We ended up deciding to get off the river earlier than the end, but after bar nine of course, and take a tuk-tuk. The tuk-tuk guy was being an idiot and refused to take us, so we walked back to town - 45 minutes later we arrived back. It was too late to get our full deposit back on the tube, so I decided to keep it.

At night, nothing much changed, except we weren't in the water. Some Friends and Family Guy (showing everyone around town, but heavily cut) with dinner followed by Bucket Bar and/or Sakura Bar. Despite a curfew of 11:30pm (in all major cities in Laos), I ended up being out until around 4am most nights.

Vang Vieng had been costly for me - broken BlackBerry, many cuts and bruises - but for Hinesh, it was double that - broken camera, two pairs of slippers lost in two days (and almost three), cuts everywhere directly from tubing and indirectly as he had to walk around town barefoot, and one t-shirt down. Very few, if any, finish tubing unscathed.

After our final night, and without an alarm clock between us, we decided to get up at 5:30am to head to Vientiane. Despite being very tired, I did manage to take a photo of Vang Vieng as we were leaving ...



... and I took the tube with me!